The journey began in 2005. I met at woman called Yvonne at an education in alternative therapies. I was supposed to talk to her about herbs. We never came to that. Before I had a chance to think I heard myself say: "I want to go with you on your meditation journey to India". India? I had only been abroad one time before, in England, and I had only seen airplanes high up in the sky. Now I was on my way to India. Just the thought of it scared me.
Decision
As soon as she sent me the details of the journey I paid the deposit. I knew that if I had waited I would have been to scared to go and the voice of my heart was to strong to ignore. A lot of discussions and agony followed. My parents was not so happy. But the deposit was paid and the decision made.
I still have the same feeling when I put my feet on the ground in Mumbai airport as I had that first time. A feeling of coming home. The smell of old carpet, dirt, sweat, spices and incense that is so thick that its almost like walking into a wall, it makes me happy and calm. And calm was the feeling I kept through that first journey.
Ayurvedic treatment
The first week we spent in Goa for ayurvedic treatment. I spent most of the time close to the toilet. A lifestyle full of stress, bad food and even worse daily routines made my body go through a big cleansing. I was not feeling sick, my body was just getting rid of all the bad things I had been feeding it with.
Osho ashram
After that week it was time to take the train to Pune and the Osho ashram. The days there changed my life.
I was silent for almost the whole time there. Not because anyone told me. It was just that the world was so beautiful and my experience so strong there were no words to describe it. So I kept silent. It was like I had opened my eyes for the first time. I could see everything, every small green grass, every flower with its unique color, the golden rays of the sun, the dew on the leafs that the night had left behind. It was magical and a great bliss. And it was with great sorrow I left. And I don´t think it was Osho and the ashram so much as me being in the right place, in the right time, surrounded by people that gave me what I needed just then and there, that gave me that lifechanging expirience.
Promise to myself
When I came back to Sweden I promised my self to go back as soon as possible. But I also promised not to go back until I had experienced the same bliss as I felt there. Some part of me must have known that if I had gone back before I would have been stuck in the thought that India was the only place where I could feel true bliss.
Shanti
Time went by and life more or less forced me to take a break from my once again stressful lifestyle and focus only on my self. I moved to a house almost in the middle of nowhere, close to a lake and far away from streetlights and people. I spent my time walking in the forest, taking care of my flowers, resting under the trees in my hammock,creating new paintings, doing yoga, meditating and during the sleepless nights I wrote poetry. And something happened. I started to feel the same way as in India, but only short moments. Those moments of bliss made me realise that soon it was time to go back.
It took three years, but finally I was back. Back in the place that makes my heart dance and my soul sing, the place were I feel so much at home. This time I went to Pune and the ashram first. Of course I didn't have the same experience this time as the last, I had changed and I had new lessons to learn. This time I decided to do the Osho sannyas. Not because I wanted to dedicate my life to the Osho movement, not because I wanted to follow some guru, but because I wanted to make a new promise to myself. A promise to listen to my heart, to let it expand, and to live my life the way I feel is best for me. When you become a sannyasin you have to pick a new name. I wanted a name that would be a reminder for me in my everyday life, something that made me remember the promise I was about to give myself. I chose Shanti. Shanti means peace. Peace in body and soul, with a heart filled with love.
After that I went to India as often as it was possible. This time I returned because of love. Love to people I met there. Love for the country. Love for the colors, the smell, the sand, the dirt, the food, the ocean and the trees. And it is love that keeps me going back.
Teri ore....
